A Healing Heart
… "It sounds weird, but I didn't realize that I was getting better until I lost someone again. …"
Loss is a pain we all have to endure at some time. Personally, I grew up having those closest to me pass away too soon and unexpectedly. Overdosing, suicide, cancer - all extensive traumas, yet other than cancer, they seem to be a sort of quiet pandemic. That's a whole other discussion that needs to be had more often, but right now, I want to stress how much the heart and spirit can really endure. I spent my childhood assuming something traumatic would happen practically annually. Loss was a norm. Between all of the death, abandonment, and heartache, people often question how I managed it all. Strangely, it was easy and hard in the same breathe.
Life is a balance, and with love comes grief. So the more I loved someone, the more I grieved when they were no longer here. Turn that around though, and you can pull out of the grievance by realizing that's how much love you have. It would not hurt as much if the time you had with them wasn't that amazing and touching. I am not tough. I am not strong. I did not and do not handle the losses I have well, but I have to admit that I am one of the luckiest people alive to have had those I have lost in my life to begin with.
You ask how a heart can break
When my heart first ever broke, I thought that was it. Life is over. There is no escape from the trauma and I will never recover. It sounds weird, but I didn't realize that I was getting better until I lost someone again. I reexperienced the trauma in then some. If my heart was as completely shattered as I had believed, then how would this have been possible? Should I not be a cold hollow shell at this point? Time heals all wounds, if you let it.
So, the more you hurt from loss, remember that is a sign of how strong your heart is. You grieve because you have so much love to give, and that doesn't go away. To quote Leonard Cohen, "There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." If anything, each loss is a reminder of how important genuine time and love is, and those heartbreaks mend, leaving important scars that tell a story.
What is your experience with loss? How do you cope with it? Personally, I write my emotions down into poetry and songs. At times, I turn towards art and game design as a sort of meditation. Busy hands are happy hands. Most importantly, I try my best to make sure those still in my life know how important they are to me. Honestly, with each loss, I realize I still don't do that enough. Please feel free to open up as specific or vague as you're comfortable with, and if you create anything related to this topic, I'd love for you to share!
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